can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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