we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
