I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
