i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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