please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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