Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
