HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
