haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
