Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
