does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
