Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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