Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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