All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
