Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
