I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
