Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
