Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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