You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
