Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
