This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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