Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My balls are so social today.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
