gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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