sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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