I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
