I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
