can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
