i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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