Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
