and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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