I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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