I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
