He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
