STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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