Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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