Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
