with your own penis?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
