I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
