i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
