I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
