Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to cum in my sink.
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