Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
