Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
