Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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