I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
a search helicopter?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
