margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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