I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
