The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just gargled with NyQuil
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
