i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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