he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
