I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
