Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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