Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
