wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......