Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops