My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
