just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
