I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this boner is exhausting
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
