It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
