i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
