It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
