3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
