You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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