Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
