they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
