let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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