i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
