I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
