Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
