Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
