I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
