we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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